What To Do And Say If Your Partner Is Suffering From Depression

A person with depression experiences deep sadness and apathy. Support from loved ones is the key to recovery. However, it is important to know what to do and what not to say in order to provide our support in the right way.

Often times, in our attempt to help our partner with depression, we may say or do things that are not really helping them, despite our good intentions. In fact, our words can have exactly the opposite effect. That is why in this article we give you some tips on what to do and say if your partner is depressed.

The Depression

Depression is an emotional disorder. It is characterized by a feeling of constant apathy and sadness which can lead to a loss of interest in almost anything. That is why it is very important to give support, patience and understanding to those close to you.

Depression can be temporary or chronic, or even mild or severe. However, some of its classic symptoms are:

• Feelings of sadness, emptiness
• Feel like crying
• Loss of interest in most of the things the person did before
• Fatigue and lack of energy
• Lack of appetite or the opposite
• Anxiety and restlessness
• Irritability, overflows
• Etc

As this is a pathological condition, it is advisable to seek the advice of a specialist as soon as possible, in order to avoid complications. In severe cases, drug therapy may be prescribed.

In any case, it would at least be important to have the support and advice of relatives and people you trust.

However, if our partner is suffering from depression, in many cases we don’t know what to do, what to say or what to ask. We need to be careful and informed, so that we can provide our support in the best possible way.

What to say and what not to say about depression

It is certain that, driven by your good intentions and by the need to please your partner, you have thought of saying or doing something:

• “It can be resolved with will”
• “You have to do something, do your part”
• “Go out more and let yourself go”
• “Think about all you have, you have no reason to be like this”

However, these phrases are strongly discouraged for a person suffering from depression. Indeed, such statements simplify and trivialize a condition which is neither simple nor trivial. It’s like being asked to put in an effort that you can’t or doesn’t matter for something that still makes you suffer on a daily basis.

The depressed person is already tormenting himself by blaming himself for everything he cannot do. Also, she doesn’t necessarily understand why she feels this way. So there is no need to remind him.

So, what we can say to our partner if they are suffering from depression are positive supportive phrases such as

• “What can I do for you ?
• “I’m here for you.”
• “You’re not alone.”
• “It’s not your fault.”
• “It will pass. I will be by your side ”.
  “I love you.”

In this way, your support will be unconditional, without unintentional blame for his situation, without him feeling guilty.

What should I do if my partner is suffering from depression?

There are a lot of things you can do to support your partner. Here are a few :

Try to understand it

You need to understand that depression is not a chosen emotional state. He may not even know why he is feeling this. It’s not his fault.

Have patience with depression

Depression is a disorder that can last for a long time. For this reason, don’t let that get you down either. Arm yourself with patience and understanding and remain loving and supportive throughout the recovery process.

Don’t force him to do things

As we said before, the depressed person already feels guilty about not being able to do a lot of things. In this sense, trying to force the affected person to, for example, go out or do new things, can be very counterproductive.

Watch out for suicidal tendencies

Although this is the most extreme case, some people with depression have thoughts of suicide. That is why you should be alert to the signs:

• He talks about suicide (“I don’t want to live”, “I’d better be dead”, “I want to kill myself”)
• He acquires the means to commit suicide
• Also, he prepares a will, organizes his property for donation, etc.
• He says goodbye to his loved ones

However, the signs can be different, often not very obvious. In any case, these kinds of thoughts require immediate specialist attention.

Offer your support

As stated above, your support should be unconditional, without forcing your partner or making them feel like they are unable to overcome it or that they are nothing. On many occasions, you don’t even have to say anything, you just need to be there. Make him feel like he’s not alone.

On the other hand, it is also important that you promote the treatment. In other words, you might recommend that your partner start therapy to treat their condition. However, you should keep in mind that the decision to start therapy or not is up to him or her.