Keys To Overcome “Wendy Syndrome” Or The Need To Satisfy The Other

The problem of Wendy Syndrome appears when we empty ourselves completely to give to the other and that we do not receive anything in return. Just like the other person, we deserve attention.

Wendy’s syndrome has taken root in folk psychology.

Although it is not a disorder recognized by psycho-diagnostic textbooks, it contains certain aspects which are understood clinically and which require treatment.

Focusing our existence on caring for others causes slow self-destruction.

Low self-esteem or physical and mental exhaustion can lead to depression.

Classical literature has very often given us authentic archetypes capable of describing very real behaviors.

Wendy Syndrome, Peter Pan Syndrome, Othello Syndrome or Alice in Wonderland Syndrome describe disorders, problems or behaviors where fiction often turns into reality.

We could safely say that the one we are going to discuss here is the most common of all.

In a way, many women internalize it, not out of imposition, but because they have seen it in previous generations and because they feel it that way. 

Because who takes care and listens, loves. Giving everything is, in appearance, an exceptional way of loving.

However, sometimes we forget something: who gives also deserves and must receive.

This is where the emotional dissonance and sadness arises. We suggest that you think about this through the following tips.

Wendy’s syndrome or progressive self-denial

Even though this syndrome is linked to folk psychology, the symptomatology is very clear:

• We understand that to love is, above all, to listen to the other.
• For a long time, we feel comfortable with this type of relationship. This is how we view love.
• We don’t mind (at first) that others don’t listen to us the way we do. It is enough for us to know that our spouse feels loved by us and that he is happy. This is how we feel good.
• We do everything so that those around us do not get angry and disturb themselves. We fight for the balance of others by forgetting our own.
• However, little by little,  the others perceive each effort and each giving up as “something normal”; to the point of becoming tyrannical and demanding.

If this is what you are going through today, take note of some aspects that you should change.

Understand that love does not mean sacrifice: love means RECEIVING

Many of us have been educated with the idea that in love, there are things you have to give up to secure the relationship. If you love someone, there are a lot of things you need to “shut up”.

We have also been made to believe that we must say “yes” when what we think is “no”, that to love is, above all, to consider the other as a priority over us.

If you have integrated these thought patterns, start destroying them to welcome new ones:

• To love is not to give up. If you give up, you become a substitute for yourself. 
• An emotional relationship must be mature and conscious. Both members must give, without a doubt, but they must both receive as much as the other.
• It’s about forming a team, aligning strengths, interests and needs.
• In Wendy’s syndrome, there is always one who offers and one who receives, one who wins and another who, little by little, loses.
• However, the real problem is that the other person doesn’t realize this. At the beginning of relationships, we feel happy when we take care of the other, that we are concerned for him, taking care of every detail to offer him the maximum of well-being.
• However, over the months and years, we notice that “something is catching”. Everything we do is taken for granted, is not appreciated and even ends up being demanded as due.

We must not fall into such complicated and unfortunate labyrinths.

Ideas for a different focus on emotional relationships

First essential advice: never stop being yourself even if you love the other. On the contrary, sooner or later frustration, unhappiness and unhappiness will appear.

Take care, protect, give, offer, give up… But, your spouse must also take care of you, give you, offer you and make concessions for you.

In both cases, you have to make concessions and give up things as long as it is for the common good.

• Don’t ask forgiveness for something that is not your responsibility.
• The biggest fear of people with Wendy Syndrome is being abandoned. To prevent that from happening, they can do anything (we should never go to this extreme).
• It is necessary to learn to be happy alone. We need to take advantage of ourselves and know that if we find ourselves alone, without a spouse, the world will not end. 
• Learn to correct your thought patterns, especially those that cause you pain. Thus, you will create new emotions thanks to which you will be stronger.
• End it with ideas such as : “if I take more care of him, he will love me more”, “better that I give up that and he realize how much I love him”
  
• Stop projecting all of your hopes, aspirations, and energies onto the other person. Share and do it fairly. You deserve his love, but also his respect.

Remember, in love we deserve dignity. Don’t accept discounts: learn to welcome and strive for your personal integrity.